– Creating the Moment with Amandeep Singh –
The Luckpusher Press Interview, May 25th, 2016
– The Interview, Reading, Discussion, and Transcript –
AS:
Ok . . .
LP/JM:
Wai’, wai’, wai’, wai’, wait . . . Aman . . . what’s your last name Aman?
AS:
My whole name is Amandeep Singh.
LP/JM:
Amandeep Singh?
AS:
Singh, yeah. So, uhhh . . .
LP/JM:
Where are you . . . right now?
AS:
I’m in Vegas.
LP/JM:
Alright!
AS:
Sitting with my friend . . . Joshua . . .
LP/JM:
Joshua.
AS:
Joshua Musicant.
LP/JM:
We’re in front of the Paris Hotel on a bench at the street smoking . . .
AS:
Smoking . . .
LP/JM:
. . . smoking Black Cherry cloves and drinking uh . . .
AS:
Starbucks.
LP/JM:
. . . Starbucks coffee . . .
AS:
Starbucks coffee.
LP/JM:
. . . and now Aman is about to read for you.
AS:
Yeah!
So, uh, this is my feelings, uh, this is what I understand of love, so it sounds like this . . .
[Passage 1]
I loved her and that’s for sure but what I cannot understand is my unquenchable desire for her flesh.
I want to feel her, her body touching mine and my manhood rubbing against her womanhood.
Is this desire part of my love which I developed for her or it is my animal need, the thirst for sex which is yet to be quenched.
Just chatting to her for 15 minutes is enough to fill my blood stream with testosterone and my manhood to rise.
What is this happening, I want to find out so I will keep talking to her.
LP/JM:
Beautiful! Hahahahaha . . .
AS:
Thank you. Thank you.
LP/JM:
Welcome!
AS:
So . . . this is, uhhh, and then there’s this one . . . yeah, it’s like, my confusion between my love and my desire, so I’m now [?] with it . . .
LP/JM:
Ok.
AS:
. . . not that much, so I just wrote this. It’s, uhhh, addressed to a girl, but it’s not, I am not addressing it to her, but it revolves around her . . .
LP/JM:
Ok.
AS:
[Passage 2]
This is my first letter and I am excited that it is addressed to you.
I am not good at writing so I borrowed a few words to convey myself to you.
I thank you to make me flow over the barriers, I long build myself.
It was you who helped me explore the me long lost with time.
I thank you for the privileges you granted me to hug you, to kiss you and to say what I want to say, by sharing some of my deepest secrets with you.
I tried to reciprocate in the same manner without judgement.
I know, the point from where we started was different from where we are and dear that is life.
But I guess the beauty of our friendship, our relationship or whatever name it is called is that we are open to one another and welcome the way we are and the way we become.
LP/JM:
Hahahahahaha, nice! It’s great!
AS:
Yeah, like . . . uhhh, then . . .
LP/JM:
It’s very . . . erotic . . .
AS:
Erotic . . .
LP/JM:
. . . . but, ummm, not smutty and dirty . . .
AS:
Dirty, yeah . . .
LP/JM:
No, no, it’s good.
AS:
It really reflects my confusion.
LP/JM:
Yes.
AS:
Yeah.
LP/JM:
Everyone’s confusion.
AS:
Hahahahaha . . .
LP/JM:
Hahahahaha . . .
AS:
Can I get a lighter . . . ?
LP/JM:
Yeah.
AS:
Yeah. I don’t know. Sometimes I just flow with the words and I just . . .
LP/JM:
Uh huh.
AS:
Haha.
LP/JM:
S’ok. There you go.
AS:
Thank you, man.
LP/JM:
Mmmhmm . . . in a word . . . pleasure . . . hahahaha . . .
AS:
Thank you . . . and then . . .
LP/JM:
Number three . . .
AS:
Yeah. So I just want to read . . . I just want to give her what I think of her. Yeah. So this is for my friend, she, uh . . . she breakup, uh, she had a breakup with her boyfriend after, uh, after four, four and a half years of long relationship and she cried a lot, and she tried to gain not much sympathy from people around her. I don’t know why, but I just want to write it to her, so I wrote it, and I’m going to text it to her like in a day or so . . .
LP/JM:
Oooooh . . .
AS:
. . . . just trying to create the moment, and then I will text her . . .
LP/JM:
Yeah.
AS:
. . . so that she feels more devoted towards her life and she does something good with it . . .
LP/JM:
Right. Good.
AS:
So, this is how it starts . . .
[Passage 3]
It is well said that to gauge the depth of the ocean, one has to dive in it.
I never understood love, not until now.
For me it was a worthless word, a feeling which has a context (parental love, love of lover, etc.) I guess that is the very nature of love as the beings we love are unique.
I have also confused love with respect, care and honour and it is positioned similar to them, but I was wrong.
Love is a state where you cease to see the negativity in a being you love and even if you are a being of high rationale which is able to see the negativity, you accept it and embrace it; that is my dear friends true love.
Care, respect and honour are the outcomes of your love for that being.
Lastly, love evolves you, makes you a better being and not break you.
LP/JM:
Mmmm.
AS:
LP/JM:
Nice! Nice! She’s gonna love it!
AS:
She’s gonna love it?
LP/JM:
I think so, yeah!
AS:
I want her to feel motivated, like, uhhh . . . I have see her . . . I have worked with her on lot many events, organized different events with her, and she has given away . . . input on . . . over there . . . but after her breakup . . . like . . . she’s not doing it . . . I, I know that she has a potential, but I don’t know where it is lost . . .
LP/JM:
Yeah.
AS:
. . . like . . . my . . . something I even, uh, in India I have seen lot many times, like, girls do better when in relationship than when single . . .
LP/JM:
Ohhh . . .
AS:
. . . . like, why can you not love yourself . . . ?
LP/JM:
Sometimes they need that validation . . . from someone . . . to make them feel . . . like . . . I don’t know, what society is saying . . .
AS:
Ok.
LP/JM:
You know? If you watch too much, for example, television, and stuff, it makes you feel a certain way, and trains you to think that’s what you need, whether you need it or not . . .
AS:
Not.
LP/JM:
. . . . and so people get caught up in that, they get confused of that . . . because all you need is you to be happy and at peace with you . . .
AS:
Exactly.
LP/JM:
. . . and then when you’re whole yourself, then you can bring someone else in, but only if they’re whole, too, because it’s said, Irving Yalom, the, uhhh, psychologist, psychotherapist . . .
AS:
Ok.
LP/JM:
. . . he said two people never heal . . . two incomplete people never heal . . .
AS:
People never heal . . .
LP/JM:
. . . together. You may have to come . . . I’m paraphrasing.
AS:
Ok.
LP/JM:
You have to come to, you have to be whole yourself before you have someone else in so then you can meet, come together . . .
AS:
Come together . . .
LP/JM:
. . . . and be . . .
AS:
One, be as one . . .
LP/JM:
. . . as one . . .
AS:
. . . like Yin and Yang.
LP/JM:
Yeah.
AS:
Yeahhh.
LP/JM:
Exactly.
AS:
So, uhhh, if you, uhhh, love reading psycholo-psychology, I am also big fan of psychology, but I follow, too, I started with Sigmund Freud . . .
LP/JM:
Ok.
AS:
So Sigmund Freud is known as the father of psychology . . .
LP/JM:
Yeah.
AS:
. . . but, uh, somehow his philosophies are a bit more vestral, like very . . . scientific in their way, so then I started reading about Jaran, so Sigmund Freud and Jaran . . .
LP/JM:
Uh huh.
AS:
. . . so they worked together a lot, but Jaran has an Eastern viewpoint attached to it, so Sigmund Freud’s says that your behavior is governed by . . . your past . . . but, uh, the Jaran says your behavior is not only governed by your past, but is also by your future aspirations, what you are going to be, and what you will become . . .
LP/JM:
Ok.
AS:
. . . so I, I feel that Sigmund Freud is much . . . uhhh, like, I can [?] find it more practical . . . and more . . . logical of real Sigmund Freud as compared also to Jaran as compared to Sigmund Freud.
LP/JM:
Yeah.
AS:
Yeah. So obviously, like, everybody has aspirations and we, the person tries to change themselves, adapt themselves to what he wants to become, so it’s not just only the past which he has experienced, but it also is future roles, passions, uh, ambitions towards his life, so, definitely, hahahaha . . .
LP/JM:
Hahahaha . . .
AS:
Yeah. So it depends on people . . .
LP/JM:
Number 4.
AS:
. . . . so . . . this is about me .So, I told you, like, I was more of a guy, uh, working, I, I used to work for, like, twelve, fifteen hours a day, I used to be [?] all non-fiction things about my, the, the . . . qualifications which I had perusing an MBA . . .
It is hard to say what I feel about you as I have seen you change and the turning point in your life was your breakup with your boyfriend.
I have seen your curiosity, passion and zeal to achieve success but now I see that fire turning off as if the flame was not yours but of someone else’s placed in your heart.
This makes me sad and what makes me more sad is that you are setting off your flame with tears falling from your eyes.
I will love to see you fall in love again but first with yourself and then with your soul mate.
Pop up from the cocoon of sorrow as you are a butterfly born to fly.
LP/JM:
Ok.
AS:
. . . so . . . I used to read a lot about them, I want to be a good profess-professional with a good credibility, but I never explored my personal life, so I just started it like seven, eight months, seven months back.
LP/JM:
Exploring your personal life?
AS:
Yeah. So . . . [Passage 4]
I set myself on this voyage few months back which rode myself on the space times of life
[Aman’s mobile phone begins ringing/interrupting his reading and the interview]
LP/JM:
That’s you?
AS:
Yeahhh.
LP/JM:
Hahahaha, “Where are you Aman?” “Oh, it’s the traffic.”
AS:
Ahahahahaha . . .
LP/JM:
No peace. That bus finally drove away.
AS:
It’s my brother. Oops. I have to call him back, international . . . dude, it’s like . . .
LP/JM:
Hahahaha, “Where are you . . . ?” “I’m having an interview right now.”
AS:
Ahyeahhh . . .
[Aman calling back his brother]
Both:
Hahahahahahahahahahahaha . . .
LP/JM:
He’s interrupting this important interview!
AS:
Yeah.
LP/JM:
He’s Igcop, Igyop . . .
AS:
Igzhop.
LP/JM:
Igzhop.
AS:
[Aman calling his brother back]
Hello?
[Conversing in Hindi]
I will be there at, uhhhhh, 9:45.
[Conversing in Hindi]
Ok? Ok, brother.
Yeah, he was worried that I am late a lot. I told him I, he was sleeping . . .
LP/JM:
Hahahahaha . . .
AS:
He was sleeping like a monk.
LP/JM:
Like a monk! Hahahaha, he was in a trance!
AS:
He was in a trance. Yeah . . .
LP/JM:
Hahahahaha . . .
AS:
So . . . this is addressed to a girl, so she was flirting with me for the last two years, and we had, we never had a conversation, so, suddenly at the end of the college, she had a broke up, and, I don’t know, like, somehow we connected, we welcomed each other, ee, uh, uh, uh, each, ourselves in each other’s life . . . I just wanted to write to her because we are not able to meet, like, we are talking on apps, we are calling each other, but we are not able to meet physically, so I, it’s, I’m just, want to know that, I just want to meet you, spend some time together . . .
LP/JM:
Number 5.
AS:
Number 5. So . . . I will be back in India on 8th of June, and she will be back to Bangalore on the 31st of May, so she is going to her job before me . . .
LP/JM:
Nice! Has she read that?
AS:
No! I’m, ha, I’m, it’s like, uhmmm, uhhh, you cannot send it to a girl, like, like, this only, like her properly, so you have to create that moment, so I’m just waiting to create that moment . . .
LP/JM:
Hahahahaha . . .
AS:
Yeah.
LP/JM:
Gotcha.
AS:
And . . .
LP/JM:
Create the moment . . . yeah . . .
AS:
Create the moment, yes.
LP/JM:
This is your advice.
AS:
Ehahahaha . . .
LP/JM:
Yeah, help yourself.
AS:
Thank you.
LP/JM:
You’re welcome . . . I’ll put this up on the internet, yeah?
AS:
Yeah. Yeah you can put it.
LP/JM:
Yeah?
AS:
Yeah.
LP/JM:
Yeah?
AS:
Yeah. You love it?
LP/JM:
Type these up, send them to me, and I’ll put ‘em on my website.
AS:
Thank you.
LP/JM:
You’re welcome, man. Mmmhmm.
AS:
Just tag, tag, tag me on the post. I just, like, I would love to see, like, all my words are really, like, people have shared on it, what kind of opinion people give on it.
LP/JM:
Ok.
AS:
Yeah.
LP/JM:
Yeah, I’ll make it so people can comment, too.
AS:
Yeah.
LP/JM:
Nobody goes to the website, but that’s ok. Ha, they will . . .
AS:
They will! They will!
LP/JM:
They will! Hahahaha. They will! Mmmm . . .
AS:
It’s usually . . . uhhh, there’s a saying in India, okayyy, that Iregi Baton [?12:25], so Juhara Hogidia? So it’s like the, the true value of diamond is, ummm, uhhh, is like recognized by the one who actually sells it. So . . .
LP/JM:
The true value . . . Ahhhhh!
AS:
So . . .
LP/JM:
The true value of a diamonds is . . .
AS:
. . . is recognized by the jeweler . . . not anyone else . . .
LP/JM:
One who . . .
AS:
No one else . . .
LP/JM:
One who sells it . . .
AS:
Yeah.
LP/JM:
Al Juhara . . . I know this . . .
AS:
You know this . . . ?
LP/JM:
Yeah. You ever seen the movie, Jewel of the Nile . . . ?
AS:
No, I haven’t seen that movie.
LP/JM:
It’s an ‘80s movie . . . and they go to find the “jewel” . . .
AS:
Ok . . .
LP/JM:
. . . and they think the “jewel” is a, a stone . . .
AS:
Ok . . .
LP/JM:
. . . but the “jewel” is a person, and so they need to save him from the, the, uhmmm, the evil dictator . . .
AS:
Ok . . .
LP/JM:
. . . ‘cuz they captured him to try to harness his power, and keep him in like this, this, uhhh, palace or wherever . . .
AS:
Ok . . .
LP/JM:
. . . and they wind up helping him escape.
AS:
Ok . . .
LP/JM:
I will message you the name. You can, you can check it out for yourself.
AS:
I will check it out.
LP/JM:
Yeah, cuz they, they meet up with Sikhs . . .
AS:
Ok.
LP/JM:
. . . and, uhhh, they, they, they have this big adventure, it’s awesome!
AS:
Like, uhhh, even, uhhh, I will share one interesting story with you, so I was in New York, so, before coming to USA, one of my friends, she gave me this movie, Into the Wild . . .
LP/JM:
Into the Wild . . . ?
AS:
Into the Wild. It’s an amazing movie. It’s, uhhh, an, uhhh, a real story, so this was, uhhh, a guy who just graqduated and he was going to the Harvard law, but he donated all his money and he said I just want to find the truth, so he went for adventure all by himself with no money in his pocket . . .
LP/JM:
Ok.
AS:
. . . so he went to different, uhhh, Alaska, he went to the Grand Canyon doing kayaking over there breaking the law, it was like 12 years for the permission, he’s said “Fuck off! I am going by my own . . .”
LP/JM:
Hahahaha . . .
AS:
. . . so, just driving down the, uhhh, when he went into, uhhh, there’s Mexico, the he somehow tried to, uhhh, came back, through trains which are moving over there . . .
LP/JM:
Yeah.
AS:
Yeah, so it’s a wonderful movie, so . . . when I saw it, I got this gut feeling that I, uh, there’s one my friend, so want to share it with her, and so I just share it, said, “You see this movie . . .”
LP/JM:
Yeah.
AS:
. . . and she writes to me, “Wow!” This is mystical . . . because . . . one of her clients when she was working at [sic] somehow insisted her to, uhhh, read the book, Into the Wild. At that time she was like ok, ok, yeah . . .
LP/JM:
Oh! Into the, I know that one.
AS:
Into the . . .
LP/JM:
Into the Wild, the book.
AS:
Into the, the book, yeah . . .
LP/JM:
Yeah.
AS:
. . . so she said, “I will read it,” and all that, and after two months, that customer actually couriers the book to her address, yeah . . .
LP/JM:
Ahhh . . .
AS:
. . . and the book is lying over there and she have never read, and she said, “That, that guy was, uh, a New, belongs to New York, and he interested me, and now you are in New York and interesting me the same movie!”
LP/JM:
Yeah!
AS:
Haha, I said, “You just made my day!”
LP/JM:
Hahaha . . .
AS:
. . . by saying that.
LP/JM:
Yeah.
AS:
These kind of things . . . actually . . . spicing up your life . . .
LP/JM:
Yeah.
AS:
. . . you enjoy these kind of mystical things happening haha . . .
LP/JM:
And you, uhhh, you wonder why . . . they’re happening . . . but it’s no good to question it, just allow it . . .
AS:
Allow it and enjoy it.
LP/JM:
Yeah, ‘cuz otherwise you might change it, and you don’t want that, you want to see what happens . . .
AS:
What happens . . .
LP/JM:
. . . the surprise is part of the mysticism . . .
AS:
The mystery.
LP/JM:
Yeah, the mystery.
AS:
I love it . . . and . . . yeah . . . this is again . . .
LP/JM:
Number 6.
AS:
. . . this is again about me . . .
LP/JM:
Ok.
AS:
“There is a tv series with the name Hannibal, so Hannibal, it’s basically . . . Hannibal is a psychologist, and very renown psychologist, but he is also cannibal by . . . uh . . . nature, very nature . . .
LP/JM:
Ok.
AS:
So he’s not brutal, he doesn’t, uhhh, kills, he has a very elegant lifestyle. He welcomes people on, uhhh, like this, like a normal man, but this cannibalism is attached to it, so, uhhh, he cannot express it openly, but he seriously wants someone to understand it.
LP/JM:
Yeah.
AS:
So . . . “I love watching Hannibal, an amazing tv show in which a psychologist, who is a cannibal, is in continued search of someone who can understand him . . . and I’m pity for him and appreciate what he does. He came across a person with a pure and pity for everyone. He tries him to understand him but, but the descendants of that resource, the person decides to leave him. I no feel the same way as Hannibal. I am too looking for someone who not only loves me, but understands me, and, ohhh, understands how I evolve, how I am going to head, and guess that’s the recognition I am looking for. The girl I love knows me but doesn’t understands me . . . thanks to my multi-directional approach towards like which made me more complex yet beautiful . . .”
LP/JM:
And hungry to eat her!
AS:
Hungry! Hahahaha . . .
LP/JM:
Hahahaha . . .
AS:
Not now. Like after going to Sapphire, like, I want to go to Sapphire because, because of two reasons, one is experience, I haven’t gone to strip club . . .
LP/JM:
Ok.
AS:
. . . like I just want to see, like, I seriously . . . like . . . that desire was part of the love, or it was something my own sexual thing, but I am s-s-seriously, like, I can now differentiate that my love for her and my desire for her are not the same thing, they are two different things . . .
LP/JM:
Yes.
AS:
Yes.
LP/JM:
Two different things.
AS:
So that, uhhh, going, uhhh, out there tonight actually gave me this clarity.
LP/JM:
There’s a very important distinction, you have to come to that understanding that . . . the exotic dancer, the experience, it’s not real, not matter how, we talked about it last night, the illusion . . .
AS:
Illusion, yeah.
LP/JM:
. . . and the money . . . solidifies that illusion. Right? If it wasn’t for the money, it would be more about . . . maybe the love . . .
AS:
Love.
LP/JM:
. . . maybe . . . but, uhhh, but you go to the club, and you want that love, and you pay for that love, but it’s temporary . . .
AS:
It’s temporary.
LP/JM:
. . . . and it says a lot about relationships anyway that . . . even if it’s just for love, and not money, there’s still . . . there’s still the . . . the illusion, and it could, it could disappear.
AS:
It could disappear, yeah.
LP/JM:
Yeah. Just, just like anything, any relationship. I said, I said once, not once, many times, every relationship . . . you have . . . ends . . . hahaha . . .
AS:
Yeah.
LP/JM:
. . . . and I’ve had, my students said, some said, that’s not true, because you keep, if someone dies, for example, you keep that connection . . . into your own death.
AS:
See, the thing is, like, what I feel is, like, uh, uh, if there is a relationship, you can actually carry it long by converting it to a marriage, but at some point of time you also feel like, like, down the line, you also feel disconnected with your partner, and there is nothing wrong about that because this is way the humans are. The thing is, like, mar-marriage is a constitution which binds two people, so, if you’re not married, and you’re living as a relationship, I don’t know, I haven’t experienced it, I’m not expert on it, but the thing is, like, there is, like, a disconnect appears at some point of time, and there the two partners have to realize it, and they have to rebuild it again, and they have to sometimes put some extra efforts into it, and if they don’t do, then automatically it will perish.
LP/JM:
Perish.
AS:
Perish. Yeah.
LP/JM:
Great, great word. Love disappears. Love perishes.
AS:
Hahahaha . . .
LP/JM:
Hahahaha . . .
AS:
Ok, let’s see, yeah . . . uhhh . . . so this is, I wrote for that girl . . .
LP/JM:
Ok.
AS:
. . . which I love . . .
LP/JM:
Number 7.
AS:
Number 7.
LP/JM:
Written for the girl he loves.
AS:
Yeah. “This is my first letter. I feel excited that it is addressed to you. I am not good at writing so I borrowed few words from my friend, Henry, to convey myself to you.” So Henry is, uhhh, Henry Miller.
LP/JM:
Henry Miller.
AS:
Henry Miller. Yeah. I told you about him.
LP/JM:
You did. I’ve read him. Yep.
AS:
Yeah. Read him. Yeah. It’s, he’s an amazing writer. “So I thank you to make me flow the barriers which have been long build myself. I was hope, it, it was you help me explore myself long lost, lost somewhere with time. I thank you for the privileges you granted to me, to hug you, to kiss you, to say what I want to say, to, to which no woman has ever, the, the . . . privileges that which no woman have ever granted. I tried to reciprocate in the same manner without judgement. I know the point from where we started was different from where we are and, dear, that’s life. Let me tell you something. That is how life is, but I guess the beauty of our friendship, our relationship, or whatever it is called is that we are open to one another, and accept the way we are and the way we become.”
LP/JM:
Accept ourselves.
AS:
Accept ourselves. But I know if I write this to her, she won’t understand.
LP/JM:
She won’t understand.
AS:
Yeah.
LP/JM:
Yeahhh. Maybe one day she will. Maybe she reads this, and she says, “Wow. I understand . . .”
AS:
I, ha . . .
LP/JM:
“Aman is deep.”
AS:
Aman is deep, hahaha . . .
LP/JM:
Aman is deep
AS:
I want to go deep. I want to dive, go, more into myself, explore myself, let myself out.
LP/JM:
Writing does that to you.
AS:
Yeah. Writing’s helping, like, I started last week and see, like, I just shared it, shared this with some of my friends who, like, read a lot and all, and they said, “Man, this is coooool.”
LP/JM:
Yeah.
AS:
“You should, you should do it frequently.” Hahahaha . . .
LP/JM:
Hahahaha . . . uhhh, let’s see, it was, I saw Amy Tan speak in 2007 . . .
AS:
Ok.
LP/JM:
. . . and she was talking, it was, uhhh, her biography, basically, she was autobiographic-, she was talking about herself, and she said, *ahem*, she said she was seeing a therapist, and, ummm, she realized the therapist was falling asleep . . . during their sessions . . . so she quit therapy and starting writing instead as a form of therapy, and I took that to heart, and I realized that’s true, you can write, and that is your therapy, because it’s purely you . . .
AS:
Purely you.
LP/JM:
. . . and anything you’ve experienced, and you, and you, you think of yourself as, for example, a prism, you take the white light . . .
AS:
Ok.
LP/JM:
. . . and you dissect it into all this other colored light . . .
AS:
Ok.
LP/JM:
. . . . so you are the center of it as it comes through you . . .
AS:
Youuu . . .
LP/JM:
. . . you’re a conduit, and you, and you retransmit this message that comes to you.
Passerby:
Y’all got, one of y’all got a cigarette on you?
LP/JM:
Yeah . . . clove? Clove?
Passerby:
Who?
LP/JM:
Clove.
Passerby:
Whazzat?
LP/JM:
Is this!
AS:
This is clove.
Passerby:
These’re cloves?
AS:
Yeah.
LP/JM:
Uh huh.
Passerby:
I aint never ever tried it. I don’t even smoke cigarettes. I’m stressin’.
JM and AS:
Hahahaha . . .
/LP/JM:
It’s cherry flavored. Here. Here. I got a light.
AS:
Lighter . . .
Passerby:
Oh. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
LP/JM:
Yeah. Yeah.
Passerby:
Alright then. This bus driver made me so mad I didn’t get on the bus I needed to.
LP/JM:
Oh ho . . .
Passerby:
I was like, “You’re bein’ rude.”
LP/JM:
Hahaha . . .
Passerby:
Like, it was goin’ down Sahara, he goes, “Look at the sign.” I said, “Fuck you and your short shorts!”
JM and AS:
Hahaha . . .
LP/JM:
(returns the lighter) Thanks, man.
Passerby:
No, but, he had some real short shit on.
JM and AS:
Hahaha . . .
LP/JM:
Take care.
Passerby:
Hey, y’all don’t need no bud then?
AS:
Have a nice day.
Passerby:
Y’all out here . . .
LP/JM:
Wha’?
Passerby:
I said y’all don’t need no bud then?
LP/JM:
Nah . . . [sic], man. (Passerby leaves) He said, “Y’all need some bud tonight?”
AS:
You?
LP/JM:
Nah, that’s what he said. “You need some bud?” He was tryin’ to sell us . . . . weed.
AS:
Weed!
JM and AS:
Hahahahaha . . .
LP/JM:
Yeah . . . he didn’t know what cloves were but he wants to sell us weed.
JM and AS:
Hahahahaha . . .
LP/JM:
I love Las Vegas!
AS:
You’ve been living here. This is my first time and since, yeah, I love Las Vegas . . .
LP/JM:
He says, he says, “That bus driver was . . . what, he, he made me so mad I got off the bus!”
JM and AS:
Hahahahaha . . .
LP/JM:
“He was wearing these short shorts . . .”
AS:
Hahahahaha . . .
LP/JM:
. . . and then he said, “No offense,” to you, hahaha, cuz you’re wearing shorts. It’s like, “Hey, I’m on vacation . . .” hahahahaha . . . that’s funny . . .
AS:
Yeah, like . . . people are funny. He came across and . . . they have, they do all kinds shit, and you just enjoy it.
LP/JM:
Yeah. Hahahahaha . . . People do all kinds of shit.
AS:
Yeahhh . . .
LP/JM:
I just enjoy it.
AS:
But I think is good, like, I am writing about my feelings for different people, about myself, I’m actually building a clarity, a clarity in my mind.
LP/JM:
A clarity . . .
AS:
Yeah, so, the writing is helping me achieve that clarity, so once I have the clarity I can . . . direct my energies in the right direction . . .
LP/JM:
Mmmhmmm . . .
AS:
. . . so, that’s what I feel like, if you have a clear mind, clear about yourself, and what you feel then you can actually do the right thing, and if you’re, like, confused, it doesn’t matter how much hard work, it will turn out to be a mess.
LP/JM:
Yeah . . . true . . .
AS:
True! Hahaha, true!
LP/JM:
True! True . . . writing brings a clarity. It helps you understand yourself. One of the things about writing that helped me most was getting over my own timidity . . .
AS:
Ok.
LP/JM:
. . . my own shyness, myyyy . . . uh, failures . . . myyy, um, uh, need to rationalize where I’m not a great person, you know, and accept that I’m just a person . . .
AS:
Person.
LP/JM:
Yeah.
AS:
And then I can work on myself to become a great person.
LP/JM:
Right, right . . .
(sirens interrupt)
LP/JM:
Ambulance. I hope everyone’s ok.
AS:
Yeah.
LP/JM:
Hahahaha . . . and, see, what happens when you write is you create that record, and it exists long, long after you die . . . and it works as your own teachings. That’s what these religious tomes are through the ages.
AS:
Yeah.
LP/JM:
Those are the teachings. So as writers we are teachers. That’s our responsibility.
AS:
Responsibility towards this humanity.
LP/JM:
Mmmhmm, yes . . . and I’m licensed, I have a degree, a Masters degree in Education, so . . . I . . . accept this responsibility . . . and especially, um, accepting others unconditionally for their diversity and their differences that make them the individuals that they are . . .
AS:
Individuals, yeah.
LP/JM:
. . . and part of being a teacher is readily being a student of your students, so you have to be ready for them to outgrow you . . .
AS:
You.
LP/JM:
. . . mmmhmmm . . .
AS:
And you learn from, um, their viewpoints, it, uhhh, like, when you test them, they question it, and they cross-question it, and it’s like a two-way process, it’s a never-ending process, so you have to be receptive . . .
LP/JM:
Mmmhmm . . .
AS:
. . . and if you’re not, then you’re not a great teacher.
LP/JM:
Exactly. You have to be receptive, otherwise you’re not a great teacher. Because . . . the young people . . . haha, you’re younger than me . .
AS:
Yeah, I’m . . . hahaha . . .
LP/JM:
Aman’s . . .
JM and AS:
Twenty two . . .
LP/JM:
I’m . . .
JM and AS:
Forty one . . .
LP/JM:
Jeeesus . . . my birthday was almost a week ago.
AS:
Hahahaha . . .
LP/JM:
Wonderful time I had. Ummm, what am I saying? So, the young people, I learn so much from them because time’s change, technology changes . . .
AS:
Changes.
LP/JM:
. . . and we’ve got to grow with it. That’s why you see, like, elderly people just can’t adapt . . . and I see that, and I don’t want to wanna be like that . . .
AS:
Yeah.
LP/JM:
. . . I wanna be the, the person who accepts the change . . .
AS:
Change.
LP/JM:
. . . because it’s supposed to happen . . . and it’s for the better . . .
AS:
Better, and it is said that one thing that is constant is change . . . sooo . . . that’s . . .
LP/JM:
Change is constant.
AS:
Change is constant, so everything keeps on changing . . .
LP/JM:
Yeah.
AS:
. . . and you have to learn, keep on learning, so that’s the, that’s, that should be the way of life.
LP/JM:
Mmmhmm . . . always a student . . .
AS:
Always. Always a student.
LP/JM:
Always a student . . . yeah.
AS:
I still, like, falling in love, like, people, what they do is, like, when they don’t get accepted, like, they don’t get the reciprocation back, they become aggressive, they’re like, ok, I don’t want to talk to you, and all this stuff, but I say, no, I want to learn, myself . . .
LP/JM:
Yeah.
AS:
. . . I want to do it myself, so I will talk to her, no matter, I will feel down when I am talking with her, or she might feel down by talking to me, but at some point when she wants to talk to me, I will talk to her, and when I talk, want to talk to her, she definitely gives some kind of response, but . . .I think it’s good, like . . . you have to understand it.
LP/JM:
Yeah.
AS:
You cannot say just, “Then fuck off!!!” I’m, this is not me . . .
LP/JM:
Hahahahahaha!!! Fuck off!!!
AS:
Hahaha, this not me. This is not me.
LP/JM:
Mmmhmmm . . . it’s true . . . like I was telling youuu . . . did I tell you . . .? I was getting, I was at that, uh, I was at the uh gentlemen’s club . . .
AS:
Ok.
LP/JM:
. . . and I forgot to tip someone, but really it was, I had, I ate the gummi bear . . .
AS:
Ok, hahaha . . .
LP/JM:
. . . and the gummi bear relaxed me so much I forgot where I was . . .
AS:
Ok.
LP/JM:
She got upset . . . because I wasn’t tipping . . . and I didn’t even know I wasn’t tipping . . .
AS:
Hahahaha . . .
LP/JM:
. . . and so she started to lecture me . . .
AS:
Ok.
LP/JM:
. . . and I’m sitting there, I’m trying to relax . . .
AS:
Hahahaha . . .
LP/JM:
. . . and suddenly it got very tense . . . and, you know, I apologized, I said, “I didn’t mean to give you that impression,” I, you know? We worked through it right there. It was very, very fast, and, um, it was so good because . . . we came to an understanding, and, and, we both forgave each other . . .
AS:
Ok.
LP/JM:
. . . and then, uhhh, then I started to talk about, “Oh, I’m from Las Vegas,” you know, “Have you ever been?” She’s like, “I’ve never been, but I’m going!”
AS:
Ok.
LP/JM:
. . . and I was like, “Oh, great! Well,” and all this stuff about me, she got really into me . . .
AS:
Ok.
LP/JM:
. . . and then she’s like, “I gotta go! I gotta get away from you!”
AS:
Hahahaha . . .
LP/JM:
I think it’s because she was into me like that.
AS:
Yeah.
LP/JM:
I don’t know, but . . . it doesn’t matter because . . . it was just two people having a moment . . . like we are now . . .
AS:
Now.
LP/JM:
. . . and, and I’m just, I’m, I, I, I told her, when she started to lecture me, I said, I said, when we, when we apologized, or forgave each other, I said, “I felt . . . thr-, uhhh, terri- . . .” uhhh, what did, what did I say . . .? “I was terrified.”
AS:
Hahahaha . . .
LP/JM:
Of course, I’m very, very gummi bear stoned . . .
AS:
Ok, hahaha, yeah, I know.
LP/JM:
. . . so I’m like, “I was terrified. I felt like I should leave.” I wasn’t really terrified, but I kind of, I did feel like I should leave, I was like, “What did I do? Wow! I shouldn’tve come here! But I wanted to come. It was my birthday! I shoulda, you know?
AS:
Yeahyeahyeah . . .
LP/JM:
I shoulda been ok, and it was ok, it came around, and worked through it, and that was important because now we both have the story, I’ll never see her again, she may never see me again . . .
AS:
Mmmhmm. Yeah, we have a story, and we, that, that’s the moment when, like, I, you will remember, and she will remember, and look back to it and enjoy.
LP/JM:
Mmmhmm . . . look back to it and enjoy it. Learn that lesson!
AS:
Learn that lesson, yeah!
LP/JM:
Be the student. Learn that lesson.
AS:
Hahahahaha . . .
LP/JM:
And teach at the same time. And that’s where I was . . . you know?
AS:
Hahahahaha . . .
LP/JM:
I tell them, I tell them, I’m an English teacher, and a writer, and a publisher . . .
AS:
Publisher.
LP/JM:
. . . and all these things about me, and they’re like, “Wow!”
AS:
Hahahahaha . . .
LP/JM:
“You’re different!” and I’m like, “I know!”
AS:
Hahahahaha . . .
LP/JM:
“It’s a curse! It’s a curse to be different.”
AS:
Hahahahaha . . . Yeah. In this society, it’s definitely a curse to be different because people always gauge you by all those criterias which are set by the society long back, and they don’t know that those criterias need to change with time . . . and . . . why you need to, why you need those criterias? Like, take every person like new experience . . . take it aa a new book, like you don’t judge new book unless you read it, so . . .
LP/JM:
Right?
AS:
. . . so why you are judging a person? Just read it! Go through it!
LP/JM:
Don’t judge a person by their cover . . .
AS:
Cover.
LP/JM:
Hahahahaha . . .
AS:
Yeahhh . . .
LP/JM:
. . . unless they’re undercover . . .
AS:
Hahahahaha . . .
LP/JM:
. . . .and hopefully you can tell the difference . . .
AS:
Hahahahaha . . . yeah . . .
LP/JM:
Yeah? Who do you work for? Are you a spy?
AS:
Hahahahaha . . .
LP/JM:
Everybody’s a spy. Who do you work for!?!
AS:
. . . work for . . ?
LP/JM:
Me!?! I work for myself.
AS:
Hahahahaha . . .
LP/JM:
I’m an independent contractor. Who does Aman work for!?!
AS:
I don’t for anyone. I’m the same. Work for me.
LP/JM:
Good for you.
AS:
Yeahhh.
LP/JM:
Hahahahaha . . . you’re young and you’ve got your health, what would you want with a job? Hahahahaha . . . that’s a line from a movie.
AS:
Ok.
LP/JM:
I’ll send that one to you, too.
AS:
Hahaha . . .
LP/JM:
I’ll forward it to you.
AS:
Thank you.
LP/JM:
How much time you got?
AS:
Uhhh, it’s like . . .
JM and AS:
Nine thirty seven.
AS:
I will leave in like couple of minutes, like two, three minutes, I have to be there at 9:45 or 50, so it’s like . . .
LP/JM:
Oh, you gotta go across the street.
AS:
Yeah. No. Over there. Straight ahead.
LP/JM:
Oh, are you?
AS:
Five, five minutes’ walk. I will do the walk, look around . . .
LP/JM:
K.
AS:
. . . see the beauty of it for the last time.
LP/JM:
For the last time. Well, it’s all over the internet, hahahahaha . . .
AS:
But the live experience is something which cannot . . .
LP/JM:
True.
AS:
. . . which you cannot get over the internet.
LP/JM:
True . . . yes . . . I will conclude the interview here.
AS:
Yes.
LP/JM:
This have been, say your name again.
AS:
Aman.
LP/JM:
Both names.
AS:
Amandeep Singh.
LP/JM:
Amandeep Singh. Joshua Musicant . . .
AS:
Joshua Musicant.
LP/JM:
. . . signing off, brought to you by Luckpusher Press.
JM and AS:
Hahahahaha . . .
LP/JM:
From Las Vegas.
AS:
From Las Vegas.
LP/JM:
Nevada, USA.
AS:
Nevada, USA.
LP/JM:
Hey hey hey.
AS:
Hey hey hey.
LP/JM:
Hahahahaha . . .
AS:
Giggle giggle.
JM and AS:
Giggle giggle.
LP/JM:
My god, they love that. That’s a tip. Say that to the lady. Don’t, don’t giggle . . . just say, “Giggle giggle . . . ”
JM and AS:
Hahahahaha . . .
Super Bonus!!!
– Urban Hell Reads Amandeep Singh –
– Writing 1 (Read by Urban Hellville) –
I loved her and that’s for sure but what I cannot understand is my unquenchable desire for her flesh.
I want to feel her, her body touching mine and my manhood rubbing against her womanhood.
Is this desire part of my love which I developed for her or it is my animal need, the thirst for sex which is yet to be quenched.
Just chatting to her for 15 minutes is enough to fill my blood stream with testosterone and my manhood to rise.
What is this happening, I want to find out so I will keep talking to her.
– Writing 2 (Read by Urban Hellville) –
This is my first letter and I am excited that it is addressed to you.
I am not good at writing so I borrowed a few words to convey myself to you.
I thank you to make me flow over the barriers, I long build myself.
It was you who helped me explore the me long lost with time.
I thank you for the privileges you granted me to hug you, to kiss you and to say what I want to say, by sharing some of my deepest secrets with you.
I tried to reciprocate in the same manner without judgement.
I know, the point from where we started was different from where we are and dear that is life.
But I guess the beauty of our friendship, our relationship or whatever name it is called is that we are open to one another and welcome the way we are and the way we become.
– Writing 3 (Read by Urban Hellville) –
It is well said that to gauge the depth of the ocean, one has to dive in it.
I never understood love, not until now.
For me it was a worthless word, a feeling which has a context (parental love, love of lover, etc.) I guess that is the very nature of love as the beings we love are unique.
I have also confused love with respect, care and honour and it is positioned similar to them, but I was wrong.
Love is a state where you cease to see the negativity in a being you love and even if you are a being of high rationale which is able to see the negativity, you accept it and embrace it; that is my dear friends true love.
Care, respect and honour are the outcomes of your love for that being.
Lastly, love evolves you, makes you a better being and not break you.
– Writing 4 (Read by Urban Hellville) –
It is hard to say what I feel about you as I have seen you change and the turning point in your life was your breakup with your boyfriend.
I have seen your curiosity, passion and zeal to achieve success but now I see that fire turning off as if the flame was not yours but of someone else’s placed in your heart.
This makes me sad and what makes me more sad is that you are setting off your flame with tears falling from your eyes.
I will love to see you fall in love again but first with yourself and then with your soul mate.
Pop up from the cocoon of sorrow as you are a butterfly born to fly.
– About Your Hosts/Luckpushers –
Dear soul and kind friend, Amandeep Singh Gujral is a Sikh Indian residing in Noida, India.
He studied Industrial Engineering at Thapar University, he works as an Associate Consultant, and he is burgeoning writer.
His first trip to the United States, he visited, among other places, Washington DC, District of Columbia, San Francisco, California, and Fabulous Las Vegas, Nevada of all places.
Ever thrilled to welcome a visitor to his fine fair city, it was a pleasure for Musicant to make Singh’s acquaintance and Musicant looks forward continuing their dialog in Singh’s homeland.
Artist, educator, entrepreneur, and gentleman adventurer exiled in the fine city of Las Vegas, Nevada, USA, Joshua Musicant holds a Masters in Education (MEd), and Bachelors in English and Psychology.
Working in various incarnations, multidisciplinary, and multimodal outlets such as poetry, prose, photography, video, performance, and innovation, his work has been appeared in numerous places.
Truly, he is none other.
Musicant and Singh met on a rideshare call with Musicant late night driving Singh to the Cosmopolitan Hotel, Las Vegas, Nevada.
After briefly riding together, the two hit it off, pulled over somewhere on Frank Sinatra Drive, smoked clove cigarettes, and talked of writing, Henry Miller, love, and disaster.
They met the next morning at Planet Hollywood for coffee and strolled along the Strip until they found their now infamous park bench under the Paris Hotel’s Eiffel Tower where this interview took place.
Handsome devil, Urban Hellville is an author, innovator, raconteur, visionary, full-time messenger, and part-time absentminded philosopher reincarnating as the phoenix does in the infernal city of Las Vegas, Nevada, USA. Your new favorite author . . . thanks you for your support.
